Who am I?

Water streaks across a stained window of the train (Mar 2018)

Water streaks across the stained window of the train as it passes through the snowy, Bavarian countryside. It is not raining, so I presume it is from the thawing snow on the train roof or something – this was shortly after the cold spell, nicknamed as the “beast from the east”, had covered most of Europe till the Mediterranean and the temperatures were slowing inching back to “normal”. It gives the impression that there is a tear in the view…like some one ripped apart the picture in two and then hastily put it back together,

But wait – what am I doing on the train? Well, as a matter of fact, I work in one city and and spend my weekends in another. Been doing that for a long time now and slowly I have lost sense of where home is. Everything is a blur; only thing clear is the tear in the fabric called life and the stains of things gone wrong. I try to see the “big picture”, focus on things that are working for me, and yet I can’t help notice the difference between the two parts of that fabric – in texture, in colour, in purpose. Dealing with the dissonance does take up all my energy. And to think all this is self-imposed as consequences of choices I made myself only elicits silent sarcasm from within.

This duality in our lives is not unique to me, but how we deal with it is probably unique and I have to find my way. It is, I suppose, a part of the journey that’ll take me to a better place. Tomorrow is another day. I know not when and how I will sort this all out – what matters is I start the search every day. And carry those that matter to me along. All with a smile.

After all – don’t we all fervently hope that our personal stories have a happy end?… 🙂

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